Spaghetti Ooh's...

Well folks, we're almost done with the biggest loser competition! Monday 3/22 is the final weigh in. While Im still so very far away from my goal weight, Ive also come so very far. And while I didn't lose as much as I wanted to on the competition, I LOST WEIGHT, and that's all that matters. Not only do I think I look better, but I KNOW I feel better.
I still struggle with making the correct decisions when it comes to my eating, but I recognize the path Ive started to pave for myself. Ive definitely cut some corners, learned how to balance out calories, and learned how to trick the scale as well!
Sometimes, I see people in restaurants eating big plates full of cheeseburgers and fries, with milkshakes and sodas to drink, and I think to myself.. OOOh, Im so jealous.. I wish I could eat that, instead of this soup and salad. But, then I look at my daughter and husband, and I think.. I dont want all that fat inside or outside my body anymore. There are also days when I DO decide to make a bad decision and over eat, or eat something high in fat, fried or coated in sugar and I pay the price.
My stomach doesn't handle food like it use to anymore. I CAN'T eat as horribly as I use to, so I can only imagine how much more my stomach, body and mind will change as I continue down the weight loss highway.
I still go back and forth with questioning myself if I want to sign up for BL again in a few weeks. I should, because like a child who is just learning to walk, I shouldn't expect that I can run just yet. I am still struggling, meaning I don't "have this in the bag" just yet.. The thought of HAVING to get on the scale weekly, while annoying, has kept me in check.
There are moments when I want to say, fuck this! I don't care how fat I am anymore, I want desert, or wine, or 2 pieces of bread with my dinner LOADED with butter, but that voice-- that DAMNED voice in the back of my head goes, "Pssst!! Fat ass, you have to get on the scale in front of someone on Monday.. Do ya really want that other piece of bread? Do ya really want to be embarrassed when the spreadsheet is emailed out, and everyone in the competition can see that you GAINED weight this week, instead of losing it? Probably not, so put it down and drink another glass of yummy water." (sarcasm. I'm SO over water!)
So, while I sit here thinking to myself, "Get this DAMN scale out of my area.. I sooo dont want to participate in this dumb competition again in a few weeks" my better half says, "Girl.. You lost almost a total of 15# in the past month and a half.. You could lose 15 more and meet half of your goal BEFORE you have to start putting away the winter sweaters, and breaking out the shorts, tank tops and MAYBE... Just MAYBE you can buy a bathing suit this year!"
So, you can expect more stories of how the taco bell monster came and swept me off my feet one day, or how I never want to see another can of soup and a salad ever again, if I go up on the scale, or down on the scale..
Basically people, you can expect A LOT more bitching, because I'm going to continue on with the BLC once we start back up, and hey, maybe if I really REALLY work hard this time, I might actually win one week, and pocket a little extra money..With that extra money, maybe I can buy myself a new smaller size outfit, or a nice good bottle of wine to celebrate.
Dont let temptation be too much for you to handle. Treat it like you were it's beyotch once and a while.. Tease it, and just when you think your going to give in WAM.. Knock it out the park.

You take the good, you take the bad...

As the biggest loser draws close to completion, I have learned a few things: One, I dont have to eat like a cow, I can eat like a human and be just as satisfied and two, I dont have to eat crap that is bad for you all the time. I'm still in the process of making the right choices, but it's becoming more and more easy to do so.
Take burgers for example. Now, I love a good cheeseburger. Id be willing to say it's one of my top 5 favorite foods EVER. Always has been, always will be. However, nowadays, I order a veggie burger (with cheese, I cant not!) and I remove the top bun and eat it with a knife and fork.
Sometimes I will substitute the fries, sometimes I will not. I have also learned that covering my plate with my napkin helps me stop picking at my food. It kinda bugs Aaron when I do it, because it's kinda gross, but hey, whatever works!!
This weekend consisted of many different obstacles to try and overcome. We went to see a great play in San Francisco on Saturday (The Caucasian chalk circle... look it up.. very powerful) and I knew Id be limited as to what I could eat afterwards. We went to Aaron's favorite restaurant called Pacific Cafe and I was pleasantly surprised by the crab louie salad. It came chock full of goodness, and I didnt feel bad about eating it along with a few pieces of their delicious sourdough bread. The salad had TONS of crab on it.. Sooo good, and the dressing, while on the side, was not needed.
I also allowed myself two glasses of white wine while I waited for my food. Awesome.
Speaking of wine, I read a great article about how drinking two glasses of wine a day doesnt make you fat. Well, what about drinking four glasses, cuz I hardly stop at two! I dont drink daily, I dont even drink weekly, but I do enjoy some good wine once and a while.. I was trying to count my calories and save them up to exchange them out for my wine some Friday nights, but I might not have to do that anymore, according to the article.
Oh wait.. The article was suggesting two glasses.. O well, Im a special case.. In more ways than one!
So, I think Ive been extra emotional and a tad sensitive recently, which is why I think I might be having all these cravings for badness, that Ive experienced. Im not even near my red phase, but certain things have bugged me to no end, causing me to go, "You know what? I think I might need another girl scout cookie because I feel so off." (Have you checked the caloric count on the back of those boxes!? DONT DO IT.)
I did manage to come in at -1.4 this week, so thats another pound and a half down.. *patting myself on the back* And, I heard the most glorious words twice this weekend... "You look like you lost some weight."
GAW, it's been SO long since Ive heard those fabulous 7 words! My hard work is paying off. I have sooo far to go, but Ive come so far, as well.
There has been some drama in our lives, nothing outlandish, but a little drama, which never hurt anyone, but it makes it harder to diet when someone is stirring your pot.
Sometimes even the smallest change in your life can affect you in the biggest way.. Aaron and I had a lesson in this, this past weekend.
Some people are soo oblivious to others, and other peoples feelings it really makes you stop and re-evaluate. I have to be extremely thankful for my wonderful husband, because he lifts me up when I feel down, and he knows what to say at all the time.
Im not going to let this knock me off track, and Im going to stay positive, because the last thing I want, is for someone to think they caused me any distress or drama.
You cant sweat the small stuff. Some people dont think, some people dont care, and some people are too engrossed in their own world to ever come up for some sun.
You have to take the good with the bad in life, and you have to remember that "This too, shall pass."
I am greatful for my wonderful family, blood and extended, and Im greatful that the Lord has helped me with all the challenges that I have faced. I am greatful that Im a forgiving person, and Im greatful that I dont hold grudges and that I can forgive.
On that note, I see the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, and Im greatful for today.
Enjoy your life and accept all challenges as they come. Each challenge is a learning experience.

The uphill battle continues...Top of the Hour edition.

While today should have been a good day, I weighed in at -0.8 lighter, I let myself get down on that.
-0.8, what the hell is that!? It's not even a pound. It's lame! It's not what I expected.......BUT, what I expected was to be up A WHOLE LOT more than that, so I should suck it up and move on..
There was a lot of good eatin' going on around our house this past weekend. Aaron and I tried Ichi Maki Sushi on Friday, for our weekly date night. Oh my GAWD.. This place pushed Samurai right out of the water in my opinion. Try it, if you like sushi and haven't been yet.
I also let myself have Mr. Pickles on Sunday. Mr. Pickles is my favorite sandwich shop ever. I HEART Mr. Pickles. Especially the dancing Pickle on the corner of White Rock and Zinfandel. He really rocks out. Anyway, I tried to be good in ordering a ham sandwich with no cheese, lettuce and onion only with light mayo, and I only ate half..........In the store. I ate the other half later in the afternoon. :-)
Anyways, it's time to get back to boot scootin' around town. I have come to the realization that if I don't start moving my big fat patootie, I wont drop more than .8 each week. Diet and exercise go hand in hand, and I KNOW this.. I know it, but I dont like it. Actually, I hate it, but what can you do?
I use to work out every single day on my lunch break, walk on the weekends, go to the gym some weekends, but all that changed, and I exchanged it for going out to eat, sitting in front of the TV, and slugging around.
It's time to go pick up some motivation, instead of picking up one of the many trash magazines I choose to read weekly.
Dont judge me.
Sometimes all it takes is some encouragement from a friend or family member to knock you back into reality. I received a good knock from my dear friend Victoria today. She told me to suck it up, knock it off, and be glad I didnt gain this week.
Thats all I needed to hear, I guess.. Sometimes you let the small stuff get in the way of the bigger stuff, and you just need to take off the spec's and clean them so you can see whats really important. Did I mention I got new spec's? They're fabulous!
Moving on...
I know Im a very impatient person, and I feel like I should be skinny NOW. Not in 8 more months/years, NOW. I have to learn that these things take time, and it's not going to happen over night. Oh, and Skinny to me is fitting into single size jeans again. Baby steps! This is not a bathing suit body, but it can be someday.
I dedicate the uphill battle blog to my dear sweet Victoria, who does "Top of the hour" work out's with me, which consist of her or myself IM'ing TOP OF THE HOUR!! to each other and we stop what we're doing and work out. Squats, wall pushes, whatever you can do at your desk.
FEEL THE BURN!
Make sure you take a second to give thanks to God for allowing you to enjoy life for another day.